6/27/2023 0 Comments Stick em up stand up comedyRoll out the red carpet! Life is short!Īuthor’s Note: I’d be remiss if I did not mention the cheapest dinner-for-two in town, “69.” So named for the percentage of the time it fails to get its participants off. You know this dude (or maybe you don’t, no judgements!) there are lots of little things to make this a memorable blow job. OH speaking of asses! If he’s in love with yours, make sure he has access to it, if you’re into that kind of thing. If your hips give you trouble, it’s gonna be tricky to have your ass up in the air. If your knees give you trouble, don’t do it that way. Meaning that you shouldn’t be reaching to suck his dick, like a baby giraffe stretching his tongue to eat from the cock tree on the dusty savannah.īe comfortable. In any case, being higher than him, and having the greatest range of motion is going to give you more torque. OH I FORGOT! How are you even put together? On your knees, while he’s sitting or standing? Are you both lying on your side? OR is he lying on his back, while you get into what the yogi’s would call “modified child’s pose.” (gross… awful… terrible) The boy you are working on will tell you with noises (and maybe words) when to move on to more rhythmic contact. Wait too long, and the anticipation fades to impatience. With all sexy business, anticipation is a tenuous thread. When everything is wet, it’s more sensitive. I like to mark my territory first, gently make my presence known with a warm tongue on the underside of the dong in question. Don’t slam it down your throat right away (if ever). There’s a rhythm to sucking dick, and it starts slowly. You don’t have a sex kit? Why not, what happened to it? Ugh, do you even WANT to get better at this? Keep a glass of water on your night stand or an emergency bottle of water in your sex kit. PRO TIP: Maybe you’re nervous, or you been smoking pot-either way, that dry mouth is NOT gonna work. Most of the nerves in the penis are at the tip, and under side (aka the dark side). Is he un-circumsized? Pull back the skin down and taut, very important. So now you’ve got to get your mouth all on it. This dude is getting brain, YOUR brain, all over the tip of his dick (it isn’t such a cute expression on the other side of the verse is it KANYE?). There are a lot of other good reasons to suck a dick! Because you want to, because it turns you on, because you like being in control, because you like the noises he makes, because you like being responsible for those noises, because you like the way it feels in your mouth, because you like the way he looks at you while you do it… When you are in the mood, it’ll be a better blowjob. No one should be giving blowjobs because they feel like they’re obligated to… Maybe it’s the 3rd date, or maybe you’re married and this is the only dick in your world right now. When you do, it’ll lead to some deeply satisfying sex-and you won’t always be racing to the finish line. But I’m thinking of the “greater blowjob good.” People didn’t start appreciating wine until they started putting some in their mouths and spitting it out again.Īnd why are you so worried about blue balls? There are plenty of sex acts that don’t end in a big jizzy orgasm, so cool your jets and enjoy all that life has to offer! Porn and NASA rocket launches have taught you to always be working toward one ENORMOUS THROBBING CUM FACIAL, and you just gotta let that go. I can already feel your protests filling my inbox like it's a warm mouth: DON’T TEACH FOLKS TO BE COCK TEASES, BRI! I know, I know, you’re worried about the much-discussed blue balls. Remember, just because you pulled it out doesn’t mean you HAVE to suck that thing. If it’s your first time with this dude, feel him up a bit first, over the clothes while you’re making out. Is the dick approachable? Attractive? Do it smell good? Is it intimidating? Ask yourself: Do I want to get involved with that dick?Ĭheck it out before you commit to anything. Sometimes you gotta have your own romance with that dick. You gotta really want to suck that dickĪ half-assed blowjob isn’t good for ANYONE.
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